My New Diet Idea

Nehal : Jan 19, 2005

Just the other day, I had the greatest idea I’ve had in a while. Everyone wants a diet where they can eat what they want, don’t have to exercise, and still lose weight. How about a diet where you can do just that? I mean, who says you have to watch what you eat and exercise regularly to stay healthy? Fear not. I have the answer. I call it “The Movie Theater Concession Stand Diet”. That’s right. If you can find it at the concession stand at your movie theater, you can eat it.

How does it work? Well, you don’t need to eat real fruits and vegetables because you have jujubies and fruit-flavored squishies. Dairy? Milk duds, Sno-caps, nacho cheese, and a variety of milk-chocolate goods. Grains and fiber? Popcorn and giant pretzels with grains of salt the size of small automobiles! Meat? Hot dogs! Now, you may be thinking that your body could not handle all the sugar, fat, and chemicals you can’t pronounce, but fear not! This diet depends on the Abundance Principle. It works in the opposite manner of the Starvation Principle. In the Starvation Principle, your body is so deprived of energy that when you do eat, it stores all the energy away in fat because it doesn’t know when it’ll get more energy again. Well, with the Abundance Principle, your body is so inundated with fat, sugars, and other generally unhealthy chemicals that it all just passes right through, knowing there is more on the way. Genius, no? Oh, and while you’re at the movie theater, why not kick back, sit on your ass for a few hours, and enjoy a movie or two?

Oh, did I mention that the movie theater is going to give me a cut of their profits because I’m getting you to buy more of those overpriced snacks? But nevermind that. It’s a small detail and is really not why I have proposed this idea. I just want to give you what you really want. Now, you get to sit on your butt and eat whatever the heck you feel like. Want extra butter-flavored grease on your popcorn? Go ahead. Want the extra-mega-sized soda? I won’t stop you. Counting calories? Bah. Counting carbs? Forget it! Watching your fat intake? Why bother? Making sure you eat good, whole foods? Psshaw, are you kidding? Balanced diet? That’s for sissies! Go ahead. Sit on your ass and eat whatever you want. Just pray you can pry yourself out of that seat when you have to hit the bathroom.


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Personal Responsibility

Nehal : Jan 15, 2005

It’s funny, and at the same time frustrating, coming across stories in the news about people suing because McDonalds made them fat or they hurt themselves when they tried some stunt they saw on TV. Really? You didn’t know eating greasy foods at every meal and not exercising would make you fat? Or sticking a firecracker in your ass and lighting it could maim you? Really? Are you really that dumb? Seriously.

Since when is it my responsibility to make sure you don’t hurt yourself or that when you do, to see to your recovery? Don’t you think you can admit when you’ve done something stupid, and now you have to live with the consequences? Take a little responsibility for your own life and your decisions, please.

This is indicitive of a larger problem. It seems like people want to solve problems by treating the symptom rather than the actual problem. Is it really McDonald’s fault that you’re fat? Is it McDonald’s fault that you don’t know that eating 1,000-calorie meals without exercising is bad for you? Is it a television show’s responsibility to tell you not to jump off your roof on a bicycle? Should we punish McDonald’s or the TV show’s producers because you lack the common sense to know better? Oh, but what about the children? Can we expect them to know better? Maybe not. But those children should have parents or other adults responsible for showing them what is right and wrong. A parent or guardian should be watching what the child eats and seeing to it that the kid gets his fat ass off the couch to get a little exercise. Further, this guardian needs to tell the kid that those stunts on TV are dangerous and not to be attempted by anyone but those idiots on TV. And maybe that is the problem we need to solve. Don’t make it somebody else’s job to look out for you or your child. The responsibility to take care of yourself and the children you raise, and to teach them to be responsible for themselves, lies squarely on your shoulders.


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